A Years Long Endeavor

The story I currently call Feral World was born out of a day dream I had when I was in middle school and the first two years of highschool. My young mind raced with what if scenarios of what an apocalypse would look like. Surrounded by movies like; The Matrix, Pitch Black, Space Cowboys, Titan A.E., 28 Days Later, Cowboy Bebop’s Movie, Minority Report and Resident Evil among others, I was immediately drawn to stories of outlandish and amazing, if not equally horrifying, premises.

Something life changing – world ending ocurrs.

damaged building interior

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What do you do after? What do WE do after?

How would people really pick up the pieces? There’s always the hero who seems to be right in step with what’s going on but I also came across something else around that time. A pair of stories named The Iliad and The Odyssey.

boat island ocean sea

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My main take aways from them, besides the morality stories of character flaws and essentially human nature, was that you don’t need a perfect lead character. Life is chaos and if you strip away the Gods and Goddesses there’s a story there that is just as real as reading your facebook timeline(minus the fakenews but including the shitposts). He did this, she said that, this cousin or friend is mad at the other because of some reason. Drama can be a wonderful read if it doesn’t become full of itself, like an an attention whore who causes drama to validate their existence.

It was all those years ago that I made a decision that would pull me through a low point, that decision and friends and family would help me persevere.

lighted candle

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I wanted to write a story like the Odyssey and the Iliad but I wasn’t sure if I could. To be honest I knew I couldn’t. Every so often I could string together a few words and sound insightful but to be able to do that for page after page and hold someones attention, THAT would take some practice, a LOT of practice.

There’s a point to this post, I swear.

I’d start my journey with two tasks. If you want to be a writer you should write. A simple concept I kept coming across and decided to just do it. Not too long after that this Blog was made. I’m sure I’ve written a post about it’s name before but in short, I needed to make myself less ignorant. As an introvert and someone who doesn’t really do well socially the best thing was to write my thoughts down for others to read, but more so to make myself ok with putting incomplete or inaccurate thoughts out there. Trust me, reading something you wrote years ago and seeing how stupid or ignorant you were is tough but it’s useful. The second thing I would do was write a story. A simple throw away story that I’d put together off the top of my head at a friends birthday getaway.

Aurora Cave is something I wrote about frequently on this site and it truly allowed me to see how writing a book would work. Things like narrative, and creative choices are amorphous things but to understand their intent, and purpose, that’s why Aurora Cave was born. When I finished the 3rd draft I gave a copy out to a few people. My Ex girlfriend whose opinion I still respect told me she hated the way the characters spoke in the beginning. It was jarring and over the top. But that taught me something. I was capable of delibrately drawing something from a reader. I had made the choice to make the brother and sister sound so over done. Like so many movies I’d seen where characters’ forced accents were just as annoying for others as it was for me. I’d finish that book in about a year, a dealine I set for myself. Could I still do work on it? YES. God yes, it’s really bad. But finishing that book taught me a bunch of things, most importantly it told me I could commit to writing a story. That I could follow through.


But I wasn’t ready to write Feral World.

15956180 I had to put the mindset together with the skills I’d yet to cultivate.

Over months and years I’d write all sorts of things on this blog. It was less of a diary and more of a set of assignments about writing and what made sense to read and what didn’t. What was annoying and full of itself and what was relatively mundane and boring. I’d also share various stories that came to mind for one reason or another that I thought would be interesting.

Then I got to my second book Flummox. My goal was to write something I wouldn’t mind having other people read. Compared to the other books on the market what would I be comfortable with asking money for? I may have gotten a little ambitious writing a psychological, Alice in Wonderland kind of story with reality constantly switching but the process just flowed. This story lead me to the hardest thing I’d have edited thus far. Many writers better than I would say I didn’t do enough and they’re more than likely correct. But I learned so much from Flummox about editing and that no matter how badly you want something in the book, it just won’t fit and you need to get rid of it. It also taught me that I had to improve my outline process. With only around 200 pages of content, the rewrites and edits came and went and in about another year I’d written another book.

What did I know now? I’d have to spend multiple years on Feral World and I wanted and needed to get a literary agent. Probably in that order… definitely in that order. Feral World will take a decade or more to get published but that was alright with me because I realized that as much as I wanted to finish this story, more than anything I wanted it to be something that others would want to read. I wanted it to be something someone could read, whom was in a low place, and they could come away from it feeling like they have another chance.

shallow focus of clear hourglass

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I formally started work on Feral World in 2015 and since then I’ve finished the book and rewritten it 3 times. I’m currently doing a major rewrite and am very happy with how it’s gotten better. However I’m not naive enough to think that when I’m happy with it that it’ll be perfect or that I’ll land an agent immediately. I’ve already gotten silently turned dow by at least 20 agents so far. The non-responses lead me to ask questions, why didn’t I get a response. Was there a narrative issue in the first x-pages? Was it boring? Was it predictable? I took everything I’d been reading that other authors avoided asking themselves and focused in. I had to be determined to write this book and get it published and that means I can’t give up. Could part of the problem be my robotic and cold way of speaking to people professionally throught email? Yes, but that’s just how I am and there have been many an author far more introverted than I who were able to get an agent.

design desk display eyewear

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So, the point? It’s cliche and I love to annoy my brother with it. It’s a phrase: Strength and Perseverance. If you want something, keep trying. Trying means looking at yourself objectively and improving what you can and getting used to that which you can’t. If something keeps failing, ask yourself why it’s failing. It’s easy to put blame elsewhere and in some cases it may not be anything wrong with you but when you’re trying to do something and it seems like an uphill battle you either need; to get yourself a truck, work out them legs muscles or start with a smaller hill. You don’t have to turn yourself into Sisyphus.


Breakdown of Religion

Let’s get one thing straight, the US is a Secular nation arguably founded with the best ideals from Catholicism/Christianity, Love thy neighbour, don’t kill other people, etc. that is not to be construed as “America is a Christian Nation”. America does not have an official religion. Speak about the founding father’s personal religious beliefs all you wish, but Freedom of Religion is associated with the US for a reason. The United States essentially became a country of other’s Refuge for a reason. However, you should never forget America was also founded on the blood of the Native people whom were here FIRST. The myriad of Tribes which lived on this part of the continent and the neighbouring islands were slaughtered so others could live FREE of religious persecution, funny how that worked out. What also should not be forgotten are the colonies whom lived in peace with the native population, the ones who truly shared and learned from and with the Native people.

Where am I going with this? Well the separation of church and state for one thing. It seems the wall between these has eroded to nothingness over the centuries. For others, the wall never existed. Religious peoples have allowed themselves to become pawns in the political game which is currently causing a massive rift in American society. Even worse, religious peoples have allowed their beliefs to be turned into marketing and nothing less than a club with a membership who doesn’t seem to realize the reason why the youth “strayed from God”. The irony here is that many people do not realize it is they who have done it to themselves. Speaking from experience, I’ve always noticed the faces people make when they think others aren’t looking. I didn’t have to be an adult to realize that the stares and glares I received as a child in church were of the “You don’t belong here” variety. These stares weren’t plentiful but there were enough to make me curious. Imagine how it feels to have a priest make a sermon about love, respect, and the like, only to receive a stare of hatred from someone just for breathing the same air in the building as they. Then to have those same people speak with your parents and others in the congregation with forced smiles and faux laughter. I couldn’t have been the only one to notice these people but everyone else seemed too polite to talk to them about it. Stir not the demon you care not with to contend, I guess.

Fakeness is what drove many in my generation from religion, or in the least from the physical buildings of a religion. Religion to many has become a whithered badge to wear, to prove to others how you’re better than they are. Many people speak the words but how many strive to become better? To learn from those teachings? The response from many has been to “Religion Harder” which is akin to singing louder in church so God can hear you over the others, or prostrating yourself more gracefully during which ever religious movement/action applies.

Now I spoke of separation of Church and state before, but why? Well here’s the connection. I believe (heh) that it’s the people who “Sing louder” or “prostrate more grandly” than others, whom are responsible for the reason why Evangelicals are so highly regarded by the political system. Faith is a strong thing, so in the halls of religious institutions people are unaware that their beliefs are being used against them and turned into a political tool. Some are even tricked into believing that one party is more religious than the other and thus better. See where I’m going?

People want to believe that they are better than the person next to them because we’ve been hardwired or programmed to believe that it has to be that way and for some, the easiest way is to take up religion. Narcissists and other Sociopaths are spoken about in the political sense but I’m not aware of religions response to them in the current day and age. The Holy books and writings can say what they will but thinking on the leaders of “Mega Churches” alone it’s curious that they are not called out for being what they really are. When a religious officiator can speak to their congregation and point them at a political enemy that is a major breakdown of religion. That is actually no longer religion but politicking by another name.

Freedom of religion was written into the constitution in an attempt to prevent this kind of thing from happening. For the most part, day to day, it does. But the current times are causing me to think about “action-over-time”. The talking heads in the political realm try to sell one religion over another. They are attempting with varying degrees of success to paint an entire religion as filled with degenerates and murderers as if we were back in the times of the Crusades. What’s even worse is that people are buying into this madness, what’s more is that it’s even working in the religion vs secularism arena. One example of the latter being Planned Parenthood. Calls for the complete de-funding of a program which does far more than people are willing to realize. In a Secular Nation your religious book is not and should not be admissible in court. “Holier than thou” is not a reason to attack something you do not agree with. In America there are laws which should be followed and there are procedures for the way things are done or changed.

I believe that religion should stick to matters of the soul and the congregations thereunder should take care that their beliefs are not turned into a weapon to be pointed by a sociopath who managed to gain their trust.

This is not an attack on religion. It is an attack on those who pervert religion and those whom are willfully ignorant to their influence.

The Art of a Deal

The world of business is rough and cut throat.

You are the only one who matters.

We’ve heard this word a lot in the last year, “deal”. What is it that comes to mind? How is it that some make it big while others become broke?

Instill enough uncertainty and doubt in your target to knock them off their game while still showing them a demeanor of willingness. You’re willing to work with them, you’re willing to hear their concerns and wants. You have to show them how any other choice they think is available to them is selling themselves short and undervaluing their true worth. The uncertainty and doubt will make them care less about their initial wants and needs and they will settle for a less than beneficial outcome for themselves. You need to craft a situation for your target where doing anything but making a deal with you will prove to be a net loss for them. In this way you end up maintaining contact with them as well as coming out on top. The key here is maintaining a positive rapport so you can use them in the future. This would be your first deal, and possibly the hardest one. However, with the strength of this first target on your side, you will have more ammunition for the next deal.

There is another way to go about a deal. You find out what people want, clearly and factually. You’re initial goal may be for something else, but you must be able to see where the target has their eyes focused. There’s always more want than need in most people, the trick is to take advantage of someone’s wants to procure something someone else needs. Many have their wants and needs mixed up, this is a shell game you can take advantage of. You have to let the target see you speaking with and dealing with people they know owns what they want/need. Then you say you might be able to help your target out, if and only if, they help you out first. This can be done in many ways, one such way is; Promising to help them get their dream job or to pay for their medical bills if they help you get into a position of power.

My question to you now is; in this scenario, which are you and which is Trump? Honestly ask yourself flat-out, without delusions, who is the target?


People spend an inordinate amount of their life doing soul-crushing tasks, yet others will say their depression is just an act while ignoring their own.

We turned a barter system of equivalent exchange into a trade system of non-existent currency based on a vacuum that trades for real physical things in a hope to be filled.

People cause incalculable sicknesses and even deaths of others, animal and human, yet are allowed to continue harming our global family. They can “pay” for it and everyone else pays for it.

We knew we were different since time immemorial, yet spent no time to learn about those differences and only rarely cherish our similarities. They both should be celebrated in concert.

We focus on the negative when someone tries to be positive.

For too long we’ve been teetering like a top about to spin out but we listen to those who say we’ll continue to spin forever. “We aren’t teetering” they will say and people will continue to believe them because once we recognize the truth we’ll know, it is our fault.

Political and Societal Anger with President-Elect Trump

There’s a difference between political interest and wanting to know whats going on in your country and the world. Political interest is a want to know about how things like; legislation, inter-state governmental interactions, and inter-country governmental interactions occur.

You could say that “wanting to know what’s going on” is societal interest and you wouldn’t be wrong. I believe, somewhat conversely, that in this context using the word society in general serves to narrow people’s viewpoint on the topic I’m trying to raise, which again, is very much based in societal issues but not completely.

I used to think that people didn’t really need a reason to talk to each other. I thought, in a somewhat naïve manner, that if you wanted to talk to someone for any reason you would just do so. I thought that since we’re all people discourse just happened because of curiosity. Then I tried to talk to someone in elementary school and they just ignored me. It was a curious thing to be ignored for a reason you don’t understand. Only a few years earlier was it a fact that I was able to interact with any kid, save my own childish irritations and asshole tendencies getting in the way. However, in a learning environment it was a curious thing to me. Only as I grew older and spoke to those smarter than I would I realize that there were unspoken undertones seeded in decades and centuries of ignorant beliefs and false truths. Couple that with things like Christopher Columbus getting lost and other forms of imperialistic actions and it started to make more sense to me. Absurd sense, but sensible nonetheless.

As much as we may hate the class in school, History has all the information we need when it comes to this unseen malignant-tumour. Your grand-father called my grand-mother a whore. This cousin killed our other cousin. This group of people believe in one thing and this group of people believe in something to the contrary.

When you find out that not everyone thinks the same way you do you become secretive for fear of offending someone or becoming the target of someone’s ignorance and misplaced anger. Other’s however almost poetically do the opposite of staying quiet and loudly proclaim that they do not care, nor do they fear others different from them. We paint targets on our backs either way.

People often times enter into discourse with the naïve belief that they can change someone’s mind because, after all, their logic is the only one which makes sense, as is their view of everything.

“If everyone would just see things the way
I do we’d all be better off. Even if I have
to force them to do so, it will be worth it
in the end.”

At risk of sounding religiously partisan, there is a saying for this mental trap. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” I’d say that the road to hell is paved with intentions in general, clear or unclear as they may be.

History is often maligned because what has happened in the past brings up bad memories for some and uncomfortable thoughts for others. We have elders whom speak of the past constantly and their droning brings some of us to tears of boredom. It is often parroted to “Stop living in the past.” and “This isn’t the past, this is happening now.” In some contexts these sentiments are true and in some they are not. I won’t get into this topic because I don’t feel like anyone wants to read a 30 page essay. Think on them on your own with a critical lens.

It is direct and outright anger at, for, and towards a group of people, no matter how emotionally justified it may or may not be, that causes the worst of conflicts. It is a fear of what may come to pass that forces people to take up arms to protect their very way of life. In the old days this made sense, on the whole humanity was very ignorant and still in a child-like phase of mental development. “But what about if someone kills my family in front of me, am I just supposed to let it happen and pity the murderer?” This is not what I am speaking to. Logically if someone directly threatens you and yours you must protect at all costs. Total pacifism works in theory, just as Capitalism, and Communism and other forms of government work perfectly in theory. Conversely, militaristic action has proven ineffectual in furthering true advancement of our species.

Personally I see humanity today being in a teenage-like phase of mental development. The know-it-all, the edgelord, the geek, the nerd, the jock, etc. Large groups of populations have these traits and when they interact, hyperbole and misunderstanding shatter any calm that existed beforehand because we’re afraid that we may have the traits of the other group within us. Other times a group will say the other is unfit to exist because their viewpoint is irrational. When pushed into a corner all groups will attack with a violent fervour in order to speak loudly and clearly that they will not be bullied, marginalized and eradicated. When someone holds a gun to your head what do you do?

For the past few years in the US I’ve seen things very much like a top about to spin-out. Things lop wildly from one side to another in order to try and maintain balance. Things like Militant Feminism which demonize all males, or the Social Justice Warrior leaping on the slightest mention of anything that might smell un-pc are examples of this teetering top. They come from a fear of a return to times when the sexes were woefully unequal, or a violent reaction to one of many malignant-tumours which seem to many to be metastasizing.

Until now the only way people knew how to do something is to run into it headlong and hope to take it out. That’s about as effective as entering into a two car head-on collision to get a spider out of your passenger seat. Instead we should figure out how, if a truck is coming our way, to make a ramp and let the truck destroy itself in a hilarious display of it’s foolish belief that it could fly.

And now a link to automotive fails to visualize that last metaphor. Adieu.


We’re All Idiots

Why are you afraid to vote third party?

Is it because you are afraid that Donald Trump will win?

Do you honestly believe that America is so racist and backwards that you are admitting sub consciously, or even overtly, that this great country of ours will fold in half and tear itself apart if you actually vote as almost every politician has said in this election, which is “Vote your Conscience”?

Why not act on that fear in a positive way?
Don’t let other people tell you to be afraid. And don’t let anyone tell you you have to listen to them in order to keep the boogeyman from stealing you away in your sleep while they hide the crowbar they’ll use to break into your house.

Patriotism, Freedom, Liberty.

These three words have lost their meaning. And you can’t say something like that without being attacked for being anti-American. As a country initially built by slave labour, that got it’s land from the murder of the indigenous people, I ask you to take a second and realize to whom do those three words really apply?

People parade our Veterans in front of issues in order to make you feel guilty for not supporting one specific cause. They are not some sorry sad group of people to be used as a political fucking chess piece. The good ones are to be treasured as the true human beings they are, and trust me there are more good than bad but don’t fucking kid yourself. No group of people is perfect. My point here is a group of people are NOT to be used as a political tool. What should be discussed are the scenarios and instances that affect a specific group and what is it that allows those scenarios to happen again, and again.

The world isn’t a binary computer system, stop acting like it is one.
“Do you support Clinton?”

“No I…”

“You fuckin racist how could you vote for Trump?”

“I’m not I’m…”

“A vote for anyone who isn’t Hillary is a vote for Trump.”

This is an example of reductive logic. And if you want to play that game of Ignoramus, seeing as so many people don’t like Hillary I could say that a vote for Hillary is a vote for Trump because, after all, you aren’t voting for the candidate I support so it’s your fault if Trump wins.
I had hoped this simple minded thinking would stop when I left junior high and high school but apparently it’s followed too many of you into the real world. I get it, researching candidates is hard. You’re just working so you can barely pay your bills, to barely eat some food, so you can barely stay alive and barely enjoy yourself 1 day every week before you get back on the horse of monotony.
“Oh but I love my business. I just don’t think there’s a chance for X to win so why should I throw my vote away?”

If the people who constantly say this actually cared about the future of their business, state, country or even just selfishly their own future they would vote for who they wanted, not whom they’re told. You owe it to yourself to understand what and whom you’re voting for and NOT vote for whom your told to by that pretty person on the rectangle in your house.

Voting for someone because they aren’t X isn’t a reason to vote. I mean this is the place where you live? How can you NOT give a shit that much?

“Why does this law exist?”

Easy, because slack jawed nill-brains like you don’t know whom you’re voting for. And for the record I too am a slack jawed nill-brain. I’ve voted for a candidate or two whom I had no clue about. And that should infuriate you as much as it does me!

Why are things working out the way they are? Because too many times, people are trapped in their small world of trying to keep the lights on, and feeding their kids while working two or more jobs. We fear losing a roof over our heads, of making our children homeless…

Turn that fear into something positive.

Voting does nothing.

I’m protesting the system by not voting.

Anarchy is the only way for the country to change.

You’re all idiots. People always want to talk numbers and hard facts, well the fact is not once has EVERY SINGLE PERSON REGISTERED TO VOTE actually voted in a singular election in recent history. If we actually voted, fuck, if we paid attention to WHO we were voting for things would be different.

“The system is rigged.”

Unrig that shit. Go to town hall meetings, talk to your family and your friends. Don’t be afraid to talk politics because, surprise surprise, if you don’t look at the world like a Binary Computer you realize there’s specific reason why people believe certain things. Every time someone says don’t talk politics I want to slap them. Treating it like some taboo thing IS WHAT HAS US IN THIS SITUATION. Oh sure we talk here and there with this person or with that person about abortion and how it’s wrong , or it’s a womans choice or how it’s a crime but VERY FEW PEOPLE are willing to hear others out on WHY they say whatever crazy nonsensical reason they have. Maybe in fact, their reason is sensible but we won’t know because you can’t talk politics or touchy issues like this. If we’re afraid to have a discussion you won’t be able to explain why one reasoning is actually out of touch with reality. There’s only one answer to abortion and it’s my answer because I’m morally superior to you. Get off your high horse no one likes a self righteous douche-bag, whatever cause you’re championing.

Look, I get it. Talking to people is hard, I know, I hate people. But I also love people, otherwise why would I be this upset that we’re shooting ourselves in the foot year in and year out?

The fact of the matter is there is no singular answer for anything on this planet save a few heinous crimes which shouldn’t need to be explained.

People obviously have different points of view but you know what? There’s this thing called consensus. We arrive at a consensus when people stop yelling about how great they are and how evil someone else is and we keep away from hyperbolic, knee-jerk, emotionally unstable responses to things that are complicated.

2 World Wars, plus the numerous others and you’d think we’d have figured out that we’re all stuck with each other whether we like it or not so we just need to calm down and actually be civil.

But who am I? No way I could have such a wide ranging perspective, I’m just an idiot.

But seriously I don’t give a shit who you vote for just as long as you actually have a solid reason that isn’t “They aren’t X candidate so it’s fine.”

Mute Characters in Vidja Games

I’m sure it’s been talked about before but I want to focus on one character in particular… sort of. wakerlink


Why Link? I grew up with the guy/kid. I threw an inordinate amount of hours into Wind Waker and when I read a retweet by Laura Kate Dale today ” teh Link :3 ” I had a thought. I followed up and obviously googled “mute characters in games”.

Conceptually I’d like to think that we (gamers) are very familiar with the “mute character”. However I started thinking about how the game world reacts to the mute characters. That part when Mario jumps in response to the little Toad girl in Mario RPG came to mind. (I know he speaks in other games it’s just an example of a character interacting without using words, my memory is fairly garbage when i need examples) I thought about how Link only yells in the games I’ve played. He shouts, makes gestures and everyone else in the world, for the most part, just reacts to his body language. Can you see where I’m going with this?

It has been said that Link is not mute, one example being his “Come on!” in my favourite of his adventures, Wind Waker. That doesn’t ring true for some of the other games in the franchise. The main thing I’m trying to bring forward is it’s possible that, without the intention, people whom are actually mute may find this a nice connection to have to the characters, I don’t know, I’m not mute. I guess I’m having this thought because of the uproar and chaos that has emerged in gaming for inclusion of all kinds of people. Jak from the first Jak and Daxter I found interesting because he didn’t talk. As someone who didn’t really audibly speak too much I found a connection with him and ultimately I wondered if people whom are mute felt that way with characters whom do not speak but are always seen as gesturing in place of words.

That’s it really just a quick thought.

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