This is a convo i had with a good friend of mine and instead of writing a post about it’s contents i wanted to just share it’s contents so here you go. I edited a bit for…. brevity? i don’t frackin know, i changed some stuff, k? Also apparently copy pasting from hangouts does something to the format which is.. irritating to work out.
Looking at yourself objectively doesn’t have to be some boringly serious task.
“The light switch analogy”
Linds: So, i have this idea in my brain that i’ve been working with in terms of turning it into a chapter. I would like to give you this scenario and kind of see where you would take it
Me: i bet you i’ll go to space. shoot 😸
Linds: Hehe Let’s see where we end up
Okay, so you are in a dark room. There is a light-switch, however, it doesn’t turn on.
How would you go about turning it on?
Also, i’ll add that you can’t just replace the light bulb with another
Me: well firstly i’d go check the fuse box. if the fuse is alright then it HAS to be with the wiring. so assuming i have the money to do so i go to home depot buy bx cable (power wiring for a house) and snake it through the house piggy backing on the older wire and that’s it
Linds: I love the thinking!
Me: but actually before that since i can’t just replace the light-bulb i’d probably buy an entirely new light fixture before having to do serious electrical wiring
it’s “easy” but tedious
Linds: Okay say you buy a new light fixture
Arrange the wiring as such
Me: now say that i’ve done all of that
and the light still won’t turn on
Linds: And you go turn on the light
Me: I’ve even replaced the switch
Me: light still won’t turn on
Me: so there’s some kind of higher energy interrupting the light turning on in that room
I climb to the roof with a rock
stand at one end
and throw it across
i hear it plink on something
AN ALIEN SPACE CRAFT DECLOAKS AND I GET BEAMED ABOARD
THEY FLY OFF INTO SPACE AND SAY I KNOW TOO MUCH SO NOW I HAVE TO BE A PILOT IN THEIR SPACE MECH ARMY FOR THE PROTRECTION OF THE UNIVERSE
Linds: I‘d just like to say that you brought yourself to space
Me: TO FIGHT OFF THE EVIL VOID CREATURES THAT SEEK TO BRING ABOUT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE BY BRINGING EVERYTHING BACK TO THE POINT BEFORE THE FIRST LIGHT INDEFINITELY
Linds: The light is still off
Me: forget the light i’m fighting to continue the existence of the universe!
the light was a test
as soon as they took off
the light turned on
The light is a test however
Has nothing to do with aliens
Linds: So, who would be in the alien spacecraft?
Linds: I said it has nothing to do with aliens
Me: but if there’s an alien space craft
Linds: Your main concern is to turn on the light switch
Me: or extra-dimensional beings of incomprehendible knowledge
Linds: Okay i’ll give you a little more info now
Me: i guess i could hold a seance
Linds: No lols
That will not turn on the light
Me: u DON’T KNOW😫
can i wiggle the bulb
or do i realize this light isn’t meant to be turned on
Linds: You can but it won’t change anything
Me: because the darkness is supposed to be a mirror into myself
Me: so i sit in the room and meditate until i realize something I’ve been trying to ignore about myself
i realize it then the light still doesn’t turn on
Sit in the room and meditate
Realize what you’ve been ignoring
Linds: What do you realize you’ve been ignoring?
Me: what else is there to see?
that isn’t connected with that epiphany
Linds: What did you realize you’ve been ignoring all this time?
Me: i don’t know something that holds you back is usually what someone would realize
Linds: Okay give an example
Linds:Preferably related to you
Me: i’d say th enumber one problem for people is doubt
Linds: Can you just go along with what i’m saying. I said i’m constructing a chapter in my book
And i’d like to see how you’d assess the situation
Me: to be fair i haven’t been able to write recently because of this thought process i’ve been in for the past few weeks
Linds: Just go along with what i’m asking of you
Linds: Maybe this analogy might help?
Me: i think i got something
Linds:Okay lay it on me
Me: i realize that i’ve been feeling that i’m not as good as i was before at doing things and in fact even before i still have my short comings and now i’m keeping myself back from doing anything because i don’t want to do things for other people knowing that I won’t be doing my best work
in turn I’ve become self deprecating and knowing full well that self deprecation isn’t a good thing i still do it because i also know i’m no longer at 100% and my fear is that by doing things again I’ll realize i won’t be able to ever get back to 100%
i realize my inner perfectionist and knowing that perfection is not a realistic goal perfection to a realistic point is something i can no longer attain
i guess that’s what you were looking for in your analogy of the light switch?
the switch is the negative aspect that’s keeping ones self from activating
To think of 5 things that you are proud to say about yourself
Me: i’ve finished writing 2 books
i’ve gotten back to my ideal weight
i’m able to look at myself objectively and come to conclusions on how to better myself without the full negative thoughts that come with such deep and unapologetic self reflection
I hold myself to high standards
i still have my drivers license
Have made the room a bit brighter
Me:why only 3
is that through your lens of interpretation
Linds: I say 3 because i feel like you can totally come up with 2 STRONGER
Characteristics or accomplishments
That would have a bigger impact in turning on that light
Me: stronger relative to what?
Linds: Maybe something like your unfailing determination to not let what you internally cope with prevent you from living a life you deserve
Me: i wouldn’t say i’m at that point yet
Linds:Why do u say that?
Me: i act that way only to spite the negative feelings
to show myself that i am better than them
Me: but to call it solely determination instead of “acting in spite of”
Linds: So, the light is about half way
Linds: My next question to you would be
How do you intend on getting the rest of the room lit ?
Me: by using the third awesome thing about myself
“i’m able to look at myself objectively and come to conclusions on how to better myself without the full negative thoughts that come with such deep and unapologetic self reflection”
Linds: I counted that as one of the 3
Give me one more thing then
Me: i guess something that would lead to a number four would be a success that is realized by people outside of my social circle
because by seeing the reaction of a person outside of my social circle i’d come the a conclusion about myself
Me:and my work ethic that
i’d be able to piece together another vague concept that is in my mind that hasn’t been translated into words for other people to understand
oo can i post this convo to my word press without your name?
your name doesn’t show up in this chat log
NOTE:(Actually it did but it was her whole name and profile icon so yay editing)
Linds: Is it that interesting?
Me: eh it’s something i’d post on there
Linds: Sure you can
Me: it’s not like i have 10k peopel following me xD ok now back to it
The other vague concept in your mind
Care to elaborate more? If you’d like?
it’s like most things in my mind
the best way i’ve been able to explain it is they are concepts
there’s no defining them beyond that they are a concept
how do you define lines on a map?
they connect places that are only related by the lines that connect them
Me:sure you can give names to the countries
but beyond that they are lines
a line has a point a and a point b
with an infinite amount of points between them
that’s one reason why i wanted to start writing
so i could learn how to explain my thoughts to people without having them be confused
as analytical as i can be
the one thing i have serious trouble analyzing is, myself
Linds: Going back to you writing
Me: and thus i can only say the vague concept is a vague concept
Linds: What is it that you love most about writing? Besides being able to properly explain your thought process
What is it about that you find to be your “escape” so to speak
Me: when i feel like i’m lost and don’t know where to think i can dive into the world and try and put these people together
i use them to understand people I unjustly hate or think are irritrating
i’ve based characters on my friends to further help me by asking myself “How would this friend interact with this type of person i can’t stand? Why do they act like that?”
i can learn about my short comings
plus it’s just fun to see their world
i’m talking about Feral World now
Linds: Right there! Stop!
Linds: “Helps you back up”
Linds: Oh the excruciating pain!
I feel like a thousand lightening bolts are just soaring through my spinal cord
Me: you’re supposed to be keeping me from meandering!
Linds:Oh right …
You said … “Learn about my shortcomings “
Linds: Would it be safe to say, through your writing you can find answers to solving this vague concept
Or just problems in general
Me: ehh the “specific” one i “mentioned” before?
Me: that concept is something i have to clear up with outside information
concluding on it myself would be full of bias which could be said for a lot of my concepts really
Linds: Okay, so what about in general
Writing helps you to relieve day to day stress
And resolve certain problems
but not broadly
writing started just because i like making up stories
Me: when i had to stop working it became something for me to hold onto
albeit it didn’t do so well as i did fall into fairly deep depression
And what was it that brought you out of your depression?
Me: well technically i’m still depressed
but not as bad i was before
my best friend picked me up and brought me to his place for almost two weeks
Linds: Javi, you just came up with another accomplishment
NOTE: ( I SKIPPED SOME STUFF )
In the years that i’ve known you
I’ve noticed a big change in you
Me:the changes started because of me not being able to work everything spiraled out of control from that oct 4 2011 but that’s like everyone’s life though. We have our own pitfalls we have to climb out of.
Linds: So, you’ve already figured it out by now, i’m sure
The idea behind the light-switch is that you hold the power to turn it on
It’s all a matter of finding out how
Linds: Depending on the situation
Me:i knew that from the first time you asked the qestion
Linds:So, why did you give me this “alien spacecraft” thing
Me:because before you asked the question
i said i was going to space
Me:i had the story planned out
don’t forget i love making up stories